By Anna Bee
Hipster Christians, I’m going to help you out. I see you are grasping at something, trying to find the ironic Church of your dreams, where men can grow beards of foolish proportions and women can dress like their grannies’ grannies, a place where scarves are worn in every unfashionable fashion imaginable, a place where people do shots and eat hummus at community gatherings, enjoy rooms filled with a fog of incense and prefer to read books that pre-date industrialisation.
I would like to direct your attention to “The Orthodox Church.”
We Orthodox were Christians before it was cool. We started following the Apostles’ teachings hardcore before the Bible was even written. Actually, we read the books of the Bible before they were officially published. And not to brag or anything, but we spoke in tongues before it was “a thing.” Stuff like that.
In addition to enjoying long beards, drinking and the occasional cigarette, we are super mellow. This is called being “dispassionate” but you will simply recognize it as being extremely cool…without trying too hard. You know what I mean.
We do enjoy the ringing of Church bells, but we prefer the more organic tone that is produced from hammering a piece of wood – oh, you’ve never heard of that? Check out this track then; it’s so raw, you’ll love it.
We Orthodox don’t need to explore “vintage faith;” we invented vintage faith, but it wasn’t called vintage back then, it was just called “faith.”
Why oh Hipster Christian do you keep on seeing but do not perceive? The Orthodox Church IS the authentic Christian experience. And seriously, you would fit right in….Read the rest at Imperfect Ordinary
the priest will NOT tell you not to wear your skinny jeans!
Wow, Man that was way cool! I’ve been in the Eastern Orthodox Church since I was 5 years old. This is a wonderful message and a great way of presenting what we have to the world. Thank you for this.
Loved this post. Made me laugh and also let out a few sassy, “Mmhmms.” Thanks.
Glory to God. We welcome all. It is what is inside of you that determines who and what you are. Come in and find out. God bless our Faith.
Not funny. Not one speck so.
I’m Orthodox, and I think this is super cool! Its intent is not only to be humorous (which it is) but also telling the truth! We need more people like this.
Oh, Antonia!
But it was (and is) quite funny.
16 years Orthodox, raised in a hippy/hipster college, and this article knocks it out of the park!
Well said, Anna Bee
Very early church of you to quote Isaiah 6:9-10… great post!
Jesus was of course the original hipster.
Which is to say he only ever relentlessly criticized the worldly power of the ecclesiastical establishment of his time and place. Which is of course why they conspired to have him executed.
Never mind too, that ALL ruling “orthodoxies” obtained their worldly power via the point of a sword or via the business end of a gun or canon – WITHOUT exception!
Who would Jesus have sliced up with a sword, or smithereened via the business end of a cannon or gatling gun? Or via the shock and awe invasion of Iraq!
Sadly-hipster women would be told not to wear their skinny jeans!
It’s hard not to like Anna Bee. She is smug about her faith, but she is so open about it that it becomes almost charming. It pleases her to be a part of something she regards as important and true, but also so unknown in the wider culture that it has a kind of quirky attractiveness. It’s kind of cool to call things by their names in a foreign language (Greek), and take part in familiar and yet different rituals that the rest of us don’t know – clappers instead of bells, liturgy instead of church, headscarves and crucifixes, and, of course, icons. I don’t have any problems with paintings of Biblical and other past heroes of the faith. In the days before near-universal literacy, it was a very effective way to teach people – kind of like a pre-modern Christian form of anime. Properly used and venerated, but not worshipped, they are a legitimate aid to faith. Today, what Christian parent does not use an illustrated children’s Bible with their toddlers?
I understand the attraction of all this. I remember in the 90’s there was a cartoon showing a hippie-looking couple who now have a teenage son, shown in the background with short hair, a suit and tie. One of the parents is saying to the other “I don’t know what we’re going to do with Junior. He’s run off and become a Presbyterian!” Junior was rebelling against his hippie parents in a benign sort of way, joining a group that was harmless, but one his parents would culturally never approve of. I suspected that this was part of the attraction of Orthodoxy, but after reading Ms. Bee’s article, I am sure of it. “Smells and bells,” as one Orthodox told me with the same proud and happy attitude as Ms. Bee.
I don’t mind when people talk like Anna Bee does about the way she worships. I enjoy hearing about how different cultures praise God, whether it be with incense and icons, drums and dancing, organs and choirs, or guitars and synthesizers. But what I do mind is when someone implies, or outright says that there is only one proper way for a Christian to worship. In the midst of her attractive smugness at the beginning of her piece, Anna says “The Orthodox Church IS the authentic Christian experience.” If she said “an authentic Christian experience” I would agree, but she makes an exclusive claim. It’s easy to miss, and one could easily dismiss it as a grammatical misstep, but unfortunately, it isn’t.
The Orthodox, according to Anna, have kept the faith, while Roman Catholics “evolved” (into what?), and Protestants are only a “multitude of sects.” Protestants believe in “novel doctrines” of sola fide and sola scriptura. If you don’t believe as the Orthodox do on a series of points she outlines, it is “a problem for anyone who considers himself a Christian.” She says it nicely, but she doubts that you are truly a Christian. Then, to remove all doubt, she says “it was evident to me that the Orthodox Church was and is THE CHURCH that Christ calls His Body” (her emphasis). In other words, all other churches are apostate. This is not just Anna Bee speaking – this has been and still is the position of the Orthodox Church since the year 1054, when the Catholics and Orthodox split. (In all fairness, until recently the Catholic Church also made the exclusive claim that outside its boundaries there is no salvation.)
Personally, I don’t see that kind of attitude as hip or cool at all. Now the smugness is not just that Anna knows some cool Greek words and does some hip things as part of her worship, but that she believes anything you do that might be different in your worship from the way she does it is WRONG.
If something were important enough that not doing or believing it would endanger one’s salvation, would not God have written it in the Bible? Should we depend on the fallible and sometimes contradictory judgments of church leaders in the second, third and fourth centuries, or stand on Scripture?
Ms. Bee says the true church must have bishops. Does she not know that Scripture uses “bishop” and “elder” synonymously? See Acts 20:17 & 28, and Titus 1:5-7. Neither Jesus nor the Apostles taught any kind of hierarchy except elders, but some early church leaders started copying the systems of government found out in the world around them. Should we follow the teachings of Jesus and the Apostles, or those of the world?
One more thing. The article is accompanied by a photo of a young man with longish hair, a beard, funny sunglasses and smoking a cigarette. I suppose he represents a hipster; it is unclear whether he is Orthodox. But Ms. Bee says that Orthodox people “enjoy …the occasional cigarette…” I fail to see how smoking should be considered part of a hip, cool, or, most importantly, Godly lifestyle endorsed by a church. Our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, and to dirty them deliberately and directly with smoke makes no sense. Incense is also smoke, but we don’t directly inhale it for our own pleasure.
I’ll save sola fide and sola scriptura for another time. Obviously Anna Bee thinks these are important ideas, and so do I. Until then, may your praise be straight (orthodox).
Oh hi, it’s me. You caught my attention Allen Pritzlaff. I just want to reply with a heartfelt objection to your accusation that I think salvation only comes from within the Orthodox Church. Salvation comes by God’s mercy, period. Anyone in the whole world can be saved, no matter what church he or she does or doesn’t belong to. Christ died for the whole world and God doesn’t play favourites. Yes I believe the Orthodox Church is the one Christ founded through his apostles; I do believe it is an ark of salvation, but I have no where stated that it is the only way you can be saved. Christ is the Way and He is everywhere, not just in the Orthodox Church.
Also, the part about smoking is somewhat of a joke. Orthodox are not puritans. Some of us smoke – so what. I don’t smoke, but I don’t condemn those who do. I drink way too much coffee, however – Lord have mercy on me! I’ve heard that addiction is also not so good for you.
Dear Anna,
You directly questioned salvation outside Orthodoxy when you said “The Orthodox Church is THE authentic Christian experience.” (my emphasis). You also said “the Orthodox church was and is THE CHURCH that Christ calls His Body” (your emphasis). If I do not have an authentic Christian experience, and am outside His Body, how can I be saved?
You also indirectly questioned salvation outside Orthodoxy when you said it was “a problem for anyone who considers himself a Christian” to believe in sola fide and sola scriptura, refrain from venerating icons, not have bishops, have a different view of the Lord’s Supper, or have a liturgy that deviates from Orthodoxy.
You seem to be backing off of this claim when you now say the Orthodox church is
”AN ark of salvation” as opposed to “THE ark”. Progress!
In Christ, Allen
Hi Allen,
It’s me, Mike, from Covenant Community in Paso! Funny how we would run into each other here. Sobornost is my site, in case you did not know. I have converted to Orthodoxy and I can defend and explain most every doctrine that a Reformed person submits. I came to Orthodoxy because it is “orthodox,” which means “right teaching.” If you are interested in Orthodoxy, I would be more than happy to take the time out and have an email conversation with you. Or, if you are on FaceBook, I can friend you and add you to our discussion group. There are a number of coverts from the Reformed faith their, some are former pastors and seminary students. Allen, this is the real deal!
In Christ,
Mike
Yes, you can find me on Facebook – send me a friend request and I’ll join your discussion.
The word “convert” concerns me. It almost sounds like your group considers that they were not true believers in Christ before becoming Orthodox. Is that true?
Hey I stumbled upon this through Pinterest of all places, and this made me laugh. I discovered Orthodoxy about a year ago and am a Catechumen. When I saw “Hipster Christians” I immediately thought of the ” . tv” churches. Very wrong of me, I know, but couldn’t help it. When I attended the “.tv” church in the past the rock show at the beginning didn’t speak to me. Orthodoxy just feels real, it is real. When you drive away from the church and all you can think about is going back for the next service….THAT IS REAL!
I am an Orthodox Matushka, and my husband and I love this article! Thank you!
I’d like to meet an Orthodox guy listening to Swans, we’d be an awesome couple.
The article is alright, too.
St. Basil the Great says: “Of the necessary to life which furnish a concrete result there is carpentry, which produces the chair; architecture, the house; shipbuilding; the ship, tailoring, the garment, forging, the blades. Of useless arts there is harp playing, dancing, flute playing of which, when the operation cease, the result disappears with it. And indeed, according to the word of the apostle, the result of these is destruction.”
John Chrysostom says: “Marriage is accounted and honorable thing both by us and by those without ; and it is honorable. But when marriages are solemnized such a number of ridiculous circumstances take place as ye shall hear of immediately; because the most part, possessed and beguiled by custom, are not even aware of their absurdity, but need others to teach them. For dancing, and cymbals, and flutes, and shameful words and songs, and drunkenness, and revellings, and all the Devil’s great help of garbage is then introduced.”
“David formerly sang songs, also today we sing hymns. He had a lyre with lifeless strings the church has a lyre with living strings. Our tongues are the strings of the lyre with a different tone indeed but more in accordance with piety. Here there is no need for the cithara, or for stretched strings, or for the plectrum, or for art, or for yourself become a cithara, mortifying the members of the flesh and a full harmony of mind and body. For when the flesh is no longer lust against the spirit, but has submitted to its orders and has been led at length into the best and most admirable paths, than will you create a spiritual melody.” John Chrysostom exposition of psalms 41, (381-398A.D.)
Clement of Alexandria says: “Leave the pipe to the shepherd the flute to the men who are in fear of goods and are intent on their idol-worshiping. Such musical instrument must be excluded form our wineless feasts, for they are more suited for beast and for the class of men that is least capable of reason than for men…In general, we must completely eliminate every such base sight or sound-in a word, everything immodest that strikes, the senses (for this is an abuse of the senses)-if we would avoid pleasures that merely fascinate the eye or ear, and emasculate.”
Both Origen and Eusebius explain he Psalm 33:2, “Give thanks to the Lord on the harp; with the ten stringed psaltery chant His praises” as the harp meaning the soul, and the ten-stringed psaltery being a body with 5 senses and 5 faculties.
Eusebius (as historical witness): “Of old at eh time those of the circumcision were worshiping with symbols and types it was not inappropriate to send up hymns to God with the psalterion and cithara and to do this on Sabbath days… We render our hymn with a living psalterion and a living cithara with spiritual songs. The unison voices of Christians would be more acceptable to God than any musical instrument. Accordingly in all the churches of God, united in soul and attitude, with one mind and in agreement of faith and piety we send up a unison melody in the words of the Psalms.” (Commentary on Psalms 91)
All of the beauty of our church services is concluded in texts of the holy chants. The text, is only capable of becoming possession of the praying when it is clearly pronounced by the human voice. Sounds of an organ undoubtedly darken and hide from the praying all the beauty and loftiness incorporated by the song-creating thoughts. From this point of view, besides harm an organ is incapable of bringing anything else into an Orthodox church services. Instead of introducing an organ into an Orthodox church to falsely improve the singing, we should put all of our efforts in to raising singing in the church that is common to the whole people. Only this path will bring our people to conscious participation in the church service, development of our choir. For two thousand years the Orthodox church has functioned without an organ and to bring in such an instrument into the church divides people. Psychology of the Orthodox people is unable to deal with such a shock. The motives of these heretic renovations are unclear. Have we not learned our history, that any apostasy does not lead to anything good and positive. Human singing involves a soul, which brings depth and mobility to the Orthodox chants thus making choir a higher form of art.
I enjoyed this article, it gave me a chuckle. I attended my first Orthodox service recently, and was moved to the depths of my soul. Nothing kills my sense of magnum mysterium faster than walking into a church and encountering electronic keyboards, drum kits, P.A. systems and video monitors. The Orthodox vibe is right up my alley. I really dig the theology too. I’ll be back.
I’m converting to Orthodox Christianity and this article brings to mind a certain OCA church I attend in Canada, where most of the people are converts. I walked in there and thought “Woah… what a group of hipsters.” Trust me, hipsters are already in the process of converting to Orthodoxy.